Dear Diary -
I'm writing this to you because I have no one else to whom to write. I'm alone here, truly alone, and it is merely the continuation of my normal existence. Since I was born there's been no one to whom I can turn. Even those who "raised" me couldn't have cared less about my existence, and only the angels of Iego know why they bothered. They certainly couldn't wait to pawn me off on the first recruiter to come along.
But my instructors have taught me a valuable lesson today. I, to my shame, despite being fourteen years of age, healthy, and mentally advanced for my age, found myself lagging behind several students in an exercise involving the bolstering of one's physical attributes using the Force. During this run - though run is the wrong word. The motion we were doing was that of the physical action, but our bodies were propelled by the Force, not by our leg muscles - I made the mistake of calling out for the other students to wait up, having established a rapport with some of my acquaintances, and being engrossed with them in conversation.
Within milliseconds I found myself flat on my back, staring up at the instructor who was overseeing the exercise, Lady Malanis. Her eyes were like sulfur and fire and pitch as she glowered down at me. "Never ask for pause, mercy, hesitation, or aid from your companions again," she said. "Your guardians didn't want you. Your parents didn't want you. No one wants you, and well they should not. No one values someone who is weak and depends on others. But if you learn what I teach you, eventually you will be valued - but by that time you will no longer need anyone's approval. You will still be alone, but you will glory in it, you will revel in it. It will be the strength that makes you unbreakable."
I have taken those words into myself. I carve them even now upon the surface of my inner being. But still, I wish that for one peaceful moment, I were not alone.
Regrets cannot save me now, or change what is.
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion."
Loneliness is my passion.
It will become my strength.
Journal entry ended.
Daric Cel-Solun
I'm writing this to you because I have no one else to whom to write. I'm alone here, truly alone, and it is merely the continuation of my normal existence. Since I was born there's been no one to whom I can turn. Even those who "raised" me couldn't have cared less about my existence, and only the angels of Iego know why they bothered. They certainly couldn't wait to pawn me off on the first recruiter to come along.
But my instructors have taught me a valuable lesson today. I, to my shame, despite being fourteen years of age, healthy, and mentally advanced for my age, found myself lagging behind several students in an exercise involving the bolstering of one's physical attributes using the Force. During this run - though run is the wrong word. The motion we were doing was that of the physical action, but our bodies were propelled by the Force, not by our leg muscles - I made the mistake of calling out for the other students to wait up, having established a rapport with some of my acquaintances, and being engrossed with them in conversation.
Within milliseconds I found myself flat on my back, staring up at the instructor who was overseeing the exercise, Lady Malanis. Her eyes were like sulfur and fire and pitch as she glowered down at me. "Never ask for pause, mercy, hesitation, or aid from your companions again," she said. "Your guardians didn't want you. Your parents didn't want you. No one wants you, and well they should not. No one values someone who is weak and depends on others. But if you learn what I teach you, eventually you will be valued - but by that time you will no longer need anyone's approval. You will still be alone, but you will glory in it, you will revel in it. It will be the strength that makes you unbreakable."
I have taken those words into myself. I carve them even now upon the surface of my inner being. But still, I wish that for one peaceful moment, I were not alone.
Regrets cannot save me now, or change what is.
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion."
Loneliness is my passion.
It will become my strength.
Journal entry ended.
Daric Cel-Solun
